Dear Liberty…January 2023

Dear Liberty,

Two years ago my family moved to New York because we don’t have good opportunities in my country. I go to my first day in a high school in the United States and it all feels strange! You think that is all, but our  real problems started a week ago when my family sees we have financial problems. I don’t know how I can help them in this country. I want to know if this country can give me some help or what I can do to help out financially. I want to be engrossed in my studies, but I think I am at the end of my rope.

Sincerely,

Lost and Scared

Dear Lost and Scared,

Never abandon your education because it provides you stability in life and it is something that nobody can take from you. When you graduate you can help your family more and you can have more opportunities. So it is better to go school and try to do a part- time job  and help at least one person in your family to get a full time job.  But now you can talk in your school and ask for work because the school also gives work. There are internships available. For example, you can talk to Ms. Christine at Catholic Charities and see what she can do. Also ask around and see if anybody knows of anyone looking for help because this country it’s full of opportunities for young people.

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Dear Liberty,

I work in a salon.  My boss wants me to work until 8:30 pm but when I got the job, he told me it would be 7:00 pm. I can’t since I have a 2-year-old baby. So I have to pick my son up from the babysitter to get home, cook among other things and there is no one to help me with all this since my husband also leaves work late. I always arrive early to my work and I almost never miss my work unless I have something important to do but I ask for permission.  I feel very upset and angry because I am a very responsible person and it is not fair that my boss does this. I want to know what I can do because sometimes I think about quitting my job because these hours are too late for me.

Sincerely,

Boss Wants Me to Work Too Many Hours 

Dear Boss Wants Me to Work Too Many Hours,

talk to your boss personally and explain the situation that you cannot accept that schedule because you have a baby to take care of. Also to tell your boss that you are very responsible with your work.  Also to tell your boss that no one can take care of the baby. You should try to find a compromise that will work for both you and your boss. If your boss does not understand anything about the situation, then you should resign the job and find another where they can give you a stable schedule, so that you can do everything you need to do with the time that you have.

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Dear Liberty, 

I am writing to you desperately seeking advice.  My goal is not to say hello, I just want to feel good about myself.

For a long time I have been feeling strange and uncomfortable being with my current partner.  I feel like I’m with him out of habit, not because I love him. I’ve been dating for 3 years but I can’t anymore. I don’t like being with him, everything he does annoys me but he’s not a bad person. I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t know how to say that now I don’t want to be with him and not hurt him. I feel very restless, I don’t know what to do nor do I know how his reaction will be, he shows a lot of love but I no longer feel anything.  Please help me.

Sincerely,

Out of Love

Dear Out of Love,

If you don’t feel good with him it’s better to break up.  It’s better to finish your relationship with truth that hurts than with false ideas of love for both parties. This can help you see if you can remain friends.  Like in all areas of your life,  do it with honesty and don’t hurt anyone. 

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Dear Liberty,

I have been working in a restaurant since I arrived for about 3 months, but since 1 month ago the manager has not paid me. I feel bad about this situation because I have to pay my rent, my phone, buy my food, and send the money for my family in Ecuador.  Every time I go to ask for my pay, the manager tells me  that he will pay me soon and he doesn’t give me more information about why they don’t pay me. I want to know what I can do in these situations because I have needs and I’m desperate.

Sincerely,

My Job Doesn’t Pay Me

Dear My Job Doesn’t Pay Me,

My advice would be that you have to report your manager to the police because the manager is stealing your money and you are working with a lot of effort. This is unfair because you have needs and you need to pay for a lot of things and since the manager has not paid in months you should talk to the court so that justice is done and they can pay you your money. I advise you that after justice is done, leave your job and get a better job where you can get your money paid on time without any kind of problem.

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Dear Liberty,

I am in love with a distant person. I was 15 years old when I met a person through a social network. We met in a game application called “Roblox.”  We talked a lot for hours and until we really fell in love, and met more and more online. I am from Ecuador and she lives in South Korea. What can I do to be able to have a secure  relationship with her despite the distance?

Sincerely,

Love From a Distance

Dear Love From a Distance,

I think you should really analyze the situation and conclude if you see yourself with this person in the long term because a long term relationship can be quite a hassle especially in your case where there is a lot of distance between the two of you. Talk to them to see what they think going forward and if they think there is a chance things could work out because for it to work out you two will have to put in a lot of effort. But if there is no commitment from either one of you then I think you should just let go of the hopes of a long distance relationship with this person because it’ll just not work. If that’s the case I’m sure you’re going to find some else that you might have a better time creating a relationship with.

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Dear Liberty,

My daughter thinks I can’t help their problems and thinks their friends can solve her problems. This generates some differences in us. She spends too much time with their friends and does all that they tell her. I want to understand what she thinks and how we can unite again like when she was small. I try to give her space to see if she wants to talk with me, but this generates more distance between us.  I am at the end of my rope because all the time that I want to talk with her she gives me a blank look.

Sincerely,

Lost Parent

Dear Lost Parent,

It’s not easy to have what you expect for your child in this world that we are in right now. We know everything changes, and people change too. But you can still figure out this problem by giving her everything she needs without telling her what to do. I think you should let her come to you on her own instead of trying to force a closer connection. It is easier for her to feel more comfortable with talking to you about her problems that way. It is good to regard her emotions, but it will be better if you give her space and time to try to figure it out before coming to you. You can try to show you want to know by asking her but not reacting anyway if she refuses to say anything.  Keep talking to her. She will change.

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Dear Liberty, 

I would like to ask for some advice, I don’t know what to do. I feel very bad emotionally  because I feel that I have so much pressure!

I tell you that my parents have been fighting a lot lately, not physically but verbally, but the aggressiveness is increasing every day.  They have been talking about the divorce for a long time and a week ago they both agreed that they would separate.

I feel very distressed, I don’t know what I should do or how to feel, I don’t know who to support or if that decision is the best for our family. Please, I would like to ask for your help and for you to provide advice on how should I resolve this situation. 

Sincerely, 

Separation of Parents

Dear Separation of Parents,

I recommend and advise you not to feel bad because that happens in all families. Talk first with your parents about the issue to find out their point of view.  Do not act against your parents because later things could get worse. Do not try to intrude or try to fix the problem, just talk to them that you feel bad about the fights so they will understand that the fights should not be when they are around you.

Stay calm and focus on your studies. Since these are adult problems and you just have to support them both because they are your parents. Tell them how all this makes you feel, maybe they will think about the damage that they are causing in you and that this is only a bad period that will pass. 

Do you need advice from a neutral third party?  Write to [email protected] and explain your situation.  We will be happy to help.

*all advice is given by editors of The Bell, not professionals